The internal conditions of one’s heart and mind will manifest themselves in the outer conditions of one’s life. The parts of us that are vibrant and alive are a pleasure to have manifest. We all know how life seems to open up for us, and people are attracted to our energy, when we are feeling good about our selves. Like attracts like through vibration.  

The relationship between the inner life and the outer events of life is a bit mysterious. Not only do we broadcast our vibrations to the world and the world responds, but we also ‘call forth’ experiences. In a more subtle way the inner needs which the psyche has not resolved will also manifest- in the events of our lives. If there are issues that have been avoided one should not be surprised that life conspires to allow circumstances to evolve that reflect them. 

Most of us know the example of someone who overworks, and neglects the inner life, becoming ill and being given a lot of time to contemplate while they recuperate. How much better to skip the illness and simply take the time now to slow down, smell the roses, meditate, be present, in a pleasurable way.  

This can also be true regarding angers or frustrations that fester deep inside, even one’s we pushed way down. It is interesting to look at the patterns of events that occur in our lives. Especially the ones that we wish we were not happening.

Do these themes remind you of something deep down that sets the precedent?  If we work on the inner the outer circumstances will change. The way I see it, life never gives up on us, it will present us with circumstances over and over hoping that this time we will wake up and deal with what is really important deep inside.

 

 

Our attitude in life is the ultimate freedom that we have. It is the one thing we have under our jurisdiction no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in. It is also the key to our experience of life. In some way you could say that therapy was basically attitude adjustment.

Learning how to adjust your own attitude is of the highest importance, because as a Zen monk once said “We cannot help what thoughts we have, but we can choose which thoughts we entertain.”

All kinds of thoughts will come to us, all kinds of attitudes will visit us and we often buy into them. We buy into our thinking without really judging much of the time: ‘Is this what we really believe deep down in our hearts? Is this what we honor?’ Everyone knows that we can get ourselves into a snit over things that later have much less importance to us, and we might think, ‘No, this doesn’t warrant that much feeling, or, No, I could relax with that’, or ‘Now their point of view seems as good as my own’.

The Dali Lama was once asked ‘what makes you so special?’ and at first he said,’ I’m not so special’. But then he thought a moment and said, ‘Well, maybe in this one way: every morning when I wake up, I am willing to readjust my attitude.’ What high esteem he puts on attitude adjusting.

I read another interview with him in which he indicated that he is not always successful in this adjusting process. He confronts his own negative thoughts, his worries, his doubts, and sometimes he’s successful and sometimes he’s not. This leads me to believe that the other keyword in that statement is ‘willing’. Just being willing to look at one’s beliefs, willing to ask oneself ‘Is this the only way I could feel?” Is this attitude really true for my heart?’ And I think that if the Dalai Lama is willing to readjust his attitude every morning, why shouldn’t I be willing to do it five times a day?

Many times it seems that people are failing at change or do not even attempt change, because they mistakenly think that change should be instantaneous.One day you are one way then the next day you are another. Oftentimes, they cannot imagine themselves just making that switch overnight. Of course sometimes it does happen like that, but more often than not, it’s a longer process. A process in which we have let go of the parts of ourselves or the aspects of life that are not serving us, without having arrived at the new place or new way of being.

One of the most important parts of moving towards change is to understand and embrace the 'in between.' Tibetans Buddhism refers to the bardo state, and in fact the bardo is not just an after-death state between lives, all of life is a bardo state. We could look at our present life as filled with the ‘in between.’ We have to be able to tolerate not knowing, having left one way, having not arrived completely at our new self. This is an honored and necessary state. It does not mean one is failing at change. This is normal process. Tolerating the “don’t know,” the “haven’t gotten there yet,” the “experiment,” the “at-sea-ness” of it all is an achievement of maturity. We are all like kids asking “are we there yet?” And if you can allow yourself to not know, you have a better chance at one day of arriving, of changing, and knowing.

This is like a Zen joke although it is meant quite seriously. It is the opening line of ‘Verses on the Faith-Mind,’ written in the seventh century by the third Zen patriarch. A highly revered treatise, it is perhaps the first Chinese Zen document.

The ‘great way’ refers to the middle path, like the Tao, which has its correlation in almost every spiritual path. So this is not just particularly Zen, but we could say that it refers to a universal principle of spirituality. The way of a balanced and peaceful inner life where we accept the reality of things as they are. But of course the joke is that if you’re a human being you’re going to have preferences.

All of us toil through life mostly by ‘approach / avoidance.’ Some things we like, some things we don’t like. We’re always pushing away some things and running towards others. Of course, the aim of the spiritual path is to stop that and just be. Stop running after, stop pushing away, stop demanding. Be alive in the moment. “If you wish to know the truth, then hold no opinions for or against anything”.

A key to the solution is that it says, ‘not attached’ to preferences. We know we’re going to have preferences so the idea is, how about being a little looser with them?

If I could, I would turn my middle name into the word ‘whatever.’

We frequently have small experiences, moments when the ‘whatever’ state of mind is operating, and amazingly, we have no preference. You say ‘Okay, whatever’. You want to go the movies? You want to go for a walk? You want to have dinner? You want to go here? You want to go there? ‘Whatever’.

In those moments, how free you are. How easy. Because our emotions are not tied up with ‘I must have this’, all caught up with desire. This is a very Taoist and Zen ideal that is put forth here: if you want to be happy, if you want to feel peace then don’t be attached to the outcome. ‘Cease to cherish opinions’ says the text. This can be extended to whether people live or die, whether one is married or unmarried, whether you are employed or unemployed. Of course, we would prefer to have money coming in or to have loving relationships or be in good health, but without the demand of ‘my way! I must have it my way’ think how easy you are with life and how peaceful in your mind. If you’re not attached to any fixed condition you are free. What a nice experience. Remember, as a human being we will naturally have preferences, we could simply experiment with being a little looser about them.